Smile! Bolon is coming!

Well, according to certain internet savants, yesterday marked the beginning of the end of this ol' world, which will come to a speedy conclusion on 12-21-2012.

It is foretold that the completion of the Mayan Calendar brings regeneration of Earth, offering an awakening to all with open hearts and minds. The Mayans, Hopis, Egyptians, Kabbalists, Essenes, Qero elders of Peru, Navajo, Cherokee, Apache, Iroquois confederacy, Dogon Tribe, and Aborigines all believe in an ending to this Great 2012 Apocalyptic Cycle.

The Mayans were known worldwide for their architectural, artistic, mathematical and scientific achievements. With great attention to detail they constructed stone monuments and pyramids with precise computations. Built with purpose, these dates were left to ensure that future generations would be alerted to the end point of this great 26,000 year cycle - The 2012 Apocalypse.

A cycle which corresponds also to a 26,000 year relationship of our Sun orbiting Alcyone, the central star of the 7 Sisters Pleiades constellation. According to the Maya, the "future" which lies beyond this end date is literally a new world age - a new creation - an Apocalypse.

The Mayans believed that December 21, 2012 AD is the culmination of a series of events over time that leads to towards an the ultimate spiritual awakening of the world ( The 2012 Apocalypse ). They believe the changes are underway and will continue steadily accelerating as we head towards this date.

I would question the assertion that the Mayans were "known worldwide" for their achievements. Before the exploration of the New World, who gave them good press?

I would also question the idea that "changes are underway." Seems to me that the human race keeps making the same damned mistakes. (This argument also works against Aleister Crowley's pronouncement that human society embarked upon a New Aeon in 1904. Really? What's so bloody new about it?)

The same Mayan calendar tells us that this world began on August 11, 3114 BC, even though carbon dating proves that lots of stuff existed before that date. Even if we interpret "world" to mean "human civilization," we have to step back before 3114 BC. The ancient city of Gobekli Tepe, in modern Turkey, features a very impressive carved stone temple which was created some 11,000 years ago -- well before the Mayans got their act together.

I don't mean to show the Mayans any disrespect. I'm just saying that if they got the origin point all wrong, maybe the Grand Finale -- or, to use their terminology, the end of the 13th b'ak'tun -- was mis-dated as well.

Some believe that the Mayans predicted that the transition between b'ak'tuns will be marked by the appearance of the Bolon Yokte' K'uh, god of war and strife. If you see him, tell him you like his hat. When dealing with a guy like Bolon, a little sycophancy goes a long ways.

I welcome The End. And it occurs to me: Since we may not live to see the end of this year, this could be our final chance to mount a real war on Christmas. If you're a liberal, I call upon you to live up (or down) to your reputation. Please send in your ideas as to what we can do to ruin this sacred season -- which, if prophecy holds, will be rather severely truncated.

One suggestion: If you hear the words "Merry Christmas" from any retail store employee, complain to management. Demand "Happy Holidays."

We should also demand that churches cover any nativity scenes placed outdoors. After all, we wouldn't want to offend Bolon Yokte' K'uh.

Have a Merry Apocalypse and a happy 14th b'ak'tun!